Becoming a Mom and Having Purpose

All my life I have struggled with my self-esteem. I don't know why. I received Christ as my Savior at age 4. I have great parents who love me. They have a stable marriage and I know they love each other. I have three siblings who love me and are an encouragement to my life. Not the kind of siblings to quarrel with you or tear you down.

Yet, I was daily bogged down with negative thoughts: "No one likes me" "I'm ugly" "How can people stand to be around me?" I wonder if people would care if I lived or died?" "I bet no one would notice if I was dead, no one would miss me"

Then in college I met the most amazing guy. He was so extremely positive I thought it was fake at first. I then realized as time went by that he was genuinely that optimistic.  He was a huge encouragement to me and pulled me out of my negative thoughts.  He is who I married!


After being married for a year and a couple months, we found out we were going to be parents. I was careful to eat right and take good care of myself. I think I read every book possible to be the best Mother ever.

After giving birth, I held my daughter. For the first time in my life I knew it mattered if I lived or died. I had a sense of purpose to live that was never there before. This small, beautiful, helpless baby needed me to live. In a way, I needed her  to live as well. I am so thankful that the Lord has allowed me to be a Mom. Since being a mom, I try to take captive my thoughts  "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ " II Corinthians 10:5.  I have spent time meditating on Colossians 3:2  "And set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth."  I refuse the negative thoughts that creep into my head and try to fill my thoughts with something nourishing for me "I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency]." Philippians 4:13.